Dear goddamn turd, shit kids,
Come get your goddamn shit so we can deliver it to your friend Jared.
Page me - asshole. Also - beans, beans… the musical fruit. What?
Goddamn MOW YOUR LAWN!!
Tom - this is your first formal complaint. The complaints leveraged against you are as follows:
- Your garden looks like Hell.
- Your goddamn dog barks all night.
- You never show up at the gym - you stand accused of playing ‘Robin Hood’ instead.
- Your do not maintain the condition of your home.
All of the above complaints must be addressed - though we have decided that your goddamn dog and the state of your house take precedence. Failure to address these complaints will result in the following actions:
- The removal of the voice-box from your goddamn dog.
- The servicing of your house in a manner similar to how one would take care of their female companions.
Note: this will be your last warning, little man.
